COMPETITION

Calypso

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1829 you were asked for a calypso celebrating England's recent first Test match victory in Barbados for 59 years.

`Cricket, lovely cricket,/ 'Twas at Lords that I saw it . . .' Some of us remember Lord Kitchener's calypso immortalising the destruction of England's batsmen in the Fifties by the demon bowlers, Ramadin and Valentine. Less well known is the one by Lord Beginner (real name Egbert Moore) celebrating the MCC's visit to the West Indies in 1935, from which, thanks to

John M. Brown, I can quote:

I wouldn't say the first Test was won by luck, For Wyatt, England's captain, really used his pluck; The weather was bad, they had two days of rain, So it was a match of only skill and brain. I wouldn't say that our captain was a dunce, For Wyatt have some experience,

And he showed his diplomacy. With four wickets in hand he won easily.

The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus bottle of Drummond's Pure Malt Scotch whisky goes to Chris Tingley.

Since de days of Headley, de black Brad-man, Bridgetown bin a bummer for de English fan. Walcott take Sir Leonard for a double ton, Gary come next, make Peter May's boys run. Den in 'eighty-one, like de lightning, ayeee! Holding blast de stumps of King Geoff-rey. So it ever bin. Hey, my brother, wait small. What dat pair returnin' struttin' so tall, Stewart grinnin' silly like de cat wi' de cream, Fraser wi' de match ball, kissin' de seam? Who de fresh young captain skippin' so high, Whoopin' an' triumphin' to de Bajan sky? Don' he know proclaimin' de end of de drought On'y bake it drier for de nex' match out? Whooaa, Mister Atherton, cackle while you can, Lara gonna get you in Antigua, man. (Chris Tingley) England's cricketers, dey been under de cosh, Dey'm stared in de face by de ethnic-wash, When at Kensington Oval in Bridgetown Dey turned de form-book upside-down With batting and bowling so consummate Dey ran to victory by two hundred and eight. Alec Stewart hooked and pulled sweet and clean, To stall de West Indies' mean machine; Angus Fraser foot-slogged into overdrive, Him take eight of deir wickets for seventy-five. Michael Atherton skippered with skill and spunk And proved fifty-nine years of history was bunk, His supporters rattling de roof of de stand With deir lusty cries of 'Eng-er-land!'

While de fans back home had to pine and wish Dey'd asked Santa Claus to bring dem a satellite dish. (Philip Dacre) From the Island of Wight to the Hadrian Wall England men's great happiness not soon gonna pall; They glad beatin' in Barbados a West Indies side First time in fifty-nine year sure is givin"em pride.

They losin' first three Tests, so the Series they lost, But winnin' the fourth it feel just like Pentecost. Smith scorin' century, now he comin' good Help bring England for the first time out of the wood.

Stewart makin' centuries in both innings too, First time in West Indies any England batsman do, But if you think West Indies not try very much, I tellin' you for sure it ain't nothin' like such; But many West Indies men join England county teams, So England batsmen learn West Indies fast-ball schemes An' their bowlers learn gettin' West Indies batsmen out —

That's how England win fourth Test, ain't any

doubt! (W. F. N. Watson) At three in the afternoon in Bridgetown, Lewis knocked Ambrose's middle stump down, The English players deserved their fees, For beating the wonderful West Indies; Oh, wake up, Windies, and hear our song, Life ain't right when you get it wrong, Sir Gary and Viv weren't beaten here, Resting on our laurels has cost us dear!

The best we could do wasn't good enough, When that Mr Stewart was doing his stuff, His double century winning the day; But in Antigua we will make him pay.

So, young Mr Atherton, you've had your fun, You found yourself a place in the sun, You won a Test, but that's your lot, Cool Mr Lara is far too hot! (Tim Hopkins)