Paisley kisser
Sir: Your denizen of the deep, Jeffrey Bernard, was not up to his usual standard in 'Lowland life' (23 April). Apart from his oblique reference to myself and my pug, I got the distinct impression that he was writing for some good food guide. Looking at him, one cannot help wondering if he's ever eaten so much as a boiled egg.
Were I a stranger to London and sent on a similar mission and wrote a similar report it would read as though I had been escorted around by a bishop and dined out with Egon Ronay. J. B. certainly seems to have missed out on Low life here, and believe me, there's plenty of it. He does not appear to have graced the Grassmarket with his presence, nor any of the pubs where one finds 'characters' — usually bad. He does not hint at the places where the druggy, petty crook, homosexual, knife-happy pavement chunderers are to be found, nor where to go with the most likelihood of getting a 'Paisley kiss'. As for Mrs C's famous 'school dinners' at the Slanted Toupee, why, he never sampled one. There are many other delights which the erudite Jeffrey missed out on; send him back witha fat expense account and I'll soon show him that the 'Athens of the North' is more properly known as 'Auld Reekie'.
Christian Orr Ewing
12 St Stephen Place, Edinburgh
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