No. 1241: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked for advertisement copy aimed to sell some very ordinary article at a very high price to the millionaires' market.

I once watched a member of the Guinness family receive as a Christmas present 'a diamond-studded navel-brush', but the diamonds turned out to be fake and the bristles fell off before the New Year. A caviar-baited mousetrap (but would it work?), 100 per cent pure pink string from the 'FleeIle Rose' collection designed by Anne Papillon-Smith, Supermink chiming zips (luxury Viennese Woods model), toothpicks fashioned from Chippendale's own mallet ('pick your teeth as you would pick your friends — carefully') — you touted a splendid variety of surrealist superfluities. From the wilder shores of commerce came a good-luck Supersheen pin with a guaranteed minimum of 24,000 angels dancing on the head plus a certificate signed by a Professor of Theology. At only £5 V. Ernest Cox's cupro-nickel Executive Decision Maker 'in the form of an equilateral curve heptagon disc' struck me as ridiculously cheap.

The winners printed below get £10 each, and J. H. M. Donald makes off with the bonus prize of a bottle of Pedro Domecq's Carlos III Selected Brandy.

The story of civilisation is the story of measure- ment. But still, how little we know exactly. Just how long is the cork in your bottle of Mouton Rothschild? Or the cord in your Dior pyjamas? Or the Faberge belt, so elegant about your escort's waist? You need never be in doubt again with our exclusive, fast-becoming-famous The Tape Measure.

Woven from selected Egyptian cotton, dyed with Gamboge exported from Canton, engraved with measurements originally executed by a Parisian artist in the school of Toulouse-Lautrec, tipped at either end with the finest Swedish steel finish- ed in the fashionable matt style, The Tape Measure always sees you right, in good old inches and up-to-the-minute centimetres. Our craftsmen began making precision instruments for connoisseurs at the court of King Alonzo III; now our award-winning designers lead in con- temporary styling. For this classic, just £24.95.

(J. H. M. Donald)

You've got that indefinable something "43°1 puts the style into life-style. You lead a busy life. But even you need toV alone sometimes, to sit and to contemplate. And it's for those quiet moments that we've for mutated an essential aid. From the most perfect trees, specially gowrielin the towering forests of Sweden, we've creatss, something soft as a whisper, smooth as a ki spun fine as a spider's web. Boxed individually, and available only tollohlet5 of gold credit cards, Brom' costs just il().Pec, pack. And every sheet has the rustle of dist°

tion. (M. w. Jacob)

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD.USe a 'MATcHLEss' °at.

ch. •

Special features: Wood that built battleshiP,sii exclusively from our own timber estate —kiliej help You launch a new image today. A vh' thickness to prevent that irritating and erri-an. rassing breakage. STRIKE A LIGHT with ce". fidencel Splinter-resistant. Enclosed in a box of plain white card with etil%e discreet 'MATCHLESS' logo — handy for that ecutive memo. A match-head dipped la ltg grade ignition material compounded actor 1— to our own secret formula.

Don't be a first-time failure. Use the match that lights first time — time after time.

No MORE BURNT FINGERS: the 'tail' of each' ach Is4,./s0T: CHLESS' match is impregnated with a special non toxic dampening agent. All this for an unbelievable penny a strikelior) We asked the world's leadin(gBrpiaanr;I:rel;„Y,• of create the ultimate bar of soap • • Fettlec'.11$ Turin has plundered the earth's riches to rild Byoeausta! unique saponaceous experience — Wild you bar of Wild Beast, nestling in a Prese„tintal; casket of crocodile skin, contains 'lib, natural ingredients — rich oils from the s cly, cutaneous blubber of the mighty whale; hea'ds; perfumes from the rarest of tropical orcilLgt secret essences from the musk glands of civet - polecat. With Wild Beast you can pamper your skin Nature's way! Wild Beast pour Hommes, shaped like a PI the showers. It on a oraopeadfodredconvenieli h ce ° powdered rhinoceros horn, for what we can describe as that extra je ne sais quoi.

Wild Beast — truly a cornucopia of riches!

Stig is a craggy blond. Each morn(Pinegteirle;;vflioist uaxseainfitooethtaeliScpaioned.inavian forests and selects sea' Charmian is our dark-eyed buyer. Henn 3 sitive fingers pick out choicest fibres range of exotic and colourful materials. Tofrg....1,cer with the fruits of Stig's labour, they

"'

something which we feel is rather special..ved a Derwent is sensitive too. He has recel. long apprenticeship in the mysteries of origami Derwent is proud of that. That's why we lt to dsin our envelopes. std Stieg,g Charmian and Derwent have lave ieerice great deal of strength, sensitivity and exPercall it in producing their envelope for you. TheY acial 'Buff' and think that for only L4.99 a Pr,,ing wyoouricill of ehnavpeploypteos.become part of the °I.'" (N. J. Warburton)