COMPETITION

Abecedarian

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1607 you were chal- lenged to write an 'alphabet' poem cover- ing 12 consecutive letters, either rhymed or in blank verse.

The great exemplar — 'An Austrian army, awfully arrayed,/ Boldly by battery besieged Belgrade' — was written by Alar- ic Alexander Watts (died 1864). Never was obscure poet so orotundly named. The poor fellow's sole claim to fame seems to be this feu d'esprit, which was anyway, I'm told, helped by other hands. He and William Johnson Cory (`They told me, Heraclitus, they told me you were dead...') must be part of a forlorn Elysian group, the one-poem poets who wistfully wonder why no one on earth is reading the rest of their works — Arcadian villanelles, welcomes to spring, odes on Omdurman, and so on.

Despite the toughness of the task, there were plenty of you ready to have a go, including a Californian and a prisoner in Germany (yes, my friend, the censor let this one through). The trickier letters of the alphabet wrung from you some pretty surrealist lines: John Sweetman's 'Kinky Kaffirs, keen Kikuyu, knead kosher kedgeree' lingers in the memory. Frank McDonald and Peter Norman were the best runners-up. The prize money (£13 apiece) is richly deserved by the winners printed below, and the bonus bottle of Highland Park 12-year-old Single Malt Whisky, presented by The Spectator, goes to Michael Lee.

Ageing actor, arms akimbo, Boozily buttonholes beauteops bimbo.

`Come canoodle, chickaboo; `Desire's desperate — disrobe, do!' Exquisite elf evades, extends Forked fingers. 'Fancy!' female friends Giggle. 'Grim geriatric groping `Horrible how he hovers, hoping!' Incensed, inebriate imbibes Jugfuls, 'Jimjams, joker?' jibes Knowing kegman. Kaput, kiboshed, Lothario lisps, `Lovsh laboursh losht.'

(Michael Lee) Arne's artless airs allure amazingly. Bizet beguiles by blazing brilliancy Cool, contrapuntal Cherubini's calmer. Debussy delicately dreams doe-drama. Elgar evokes Edwardian elegance. Following Franck, Faure finds fame for France. George Gershwin's genius gives gaiety. Handel hears heavenly, heartfelt harmony. Impressionists inspire Ibert's ideas. Jana6ek's Jentlfa — jealousies, joys, jeers. Ketelbey, Khatchaturian: kitsch-kissed. Lollipop-lovers like lush, lavish Liszt!

(Geoffrey Riley) Auntie achieves an abiding ambition, Becoming belatedly Bishop. Beware, Confident Cantuar! Church's condition Deepens despondency, darkens despair. Eve's eager eating ensured Eden's end Foolish first female found fiend fatal friend.

Grandfather's groaning 'Good God!' guaran- teed, Heaven help hierarchs! Heretics, hide!

It's idiotic, indecent; indeed, Jocular Jesuit jests justified.

Keep knitting, Kensington! Kitchenmaids know London's lord, Leonard, likes ladies lying low.

(Peter Hadley) Look lovingly: long larches, luminous, Make melodies — May music manifold; Nearby, narcissi, newly numinous, Open on oaks outrageously old, Peacefully puffing powerful perfumes.

Querulous queen-bees; quinces quietly quivering; Replete redpolls regurgitating rheums Slowly savour stillness, standing shivering.

Take time to taste terrestrial tranquillity, Umbrageous, ultimate, unmatchable; Value vernality's vehement virility With wondrous wildness, whole weeks watch- able.

(Paul Griffin) All afternoon at Ascot, Algernon, Brandishing banknotes, betting brainlessly, Champs cold collations; chicken, chilled cham- pagne, Drinks down deep draughts. dribbling disgus- tingly.

Every event exasperates, enrages: Fine-fetlocked fillies fall, favourites fail, Great gasping gee-gees gallop gormlessly. His horse has halted. 'Hell!' He hurls his hat In infantile irascibility!

'Jumping Jehosaphat! Jockeys just joke! Knackers' kaputniks! Knock-kneed knaves!' keeps keening, Loudly lamenting lolly lately lost.

(Gerard Benson)

Lucy loves licking luscious lollipops Messily. Moaning, Mummy madly mops, Nags, 'Nasty naughtiness! Note: nevermore Offload obtrusive ooze on objects — or Prompt punishment pursues pernicious pest. Quell queasy quirks, quit questionable quest!' Regrettable response. Rascal's reply?

She's stroking satin sofas stickily;

Then, treasured tapestries tackily teasing, Unleashes unguents utterly unpleasing. Vile viscous violations vainly vex - With wilder wantonness wee woman wrecks.

(Loveknot Parsons)