High life
Revised editions
Taki
New York When I used to write for William Buckley's National Review, one of the staff's favourite games during Wednes- day's editorial meeting was making up titles of books by juxtaposing the names of 'real' authors with those of real books which they should have used, but didn't. For example: The Red and the Black, by Angela Davis; Poor No More, by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (which won me a bottle of cham- pagne); and the all-time favourite (again won by the little Greek boy — a specialist in low blows, somebody called me): Across the River and into the Trees, by Edward Moore Kennedy. Yes, I did have a lot of fun with that game, in fact I think it was the only reason National Review paid me a very generous amount of money as a retainer. Furthermore, I would like to hear from anyone who has any brilliant ideas about some more book titles. There are rules, however. First and foremost, I cannot be made fun of. Secondly, only anti-Marxist and anti-radical-chic jokes are allowed. Thirdly, Sunday Times writers are exclud- ed. They are too boring, like the product they come up with each week.
Speaking of books and 'real' authors, the now-departed Nelson Rockefeller comes to mind. Although it might be considered bad taste to some, I cannot resist attributing yet another book to him. It was a minor Ban- tam classic about the Old West called Death in the Saddle. Of course, when I say at- tribute yet another book to him, I mean just that. Rocky, you see, had about five books published in his lifetime but, as was reveal- ed last week by one of his ghosts, the zillionaire never even bothered to read any of them. To his credit, however, Rocky did admit the fact that writing was not his forte. When his first book, The Future of Federalism was praised by an academic, Nelson dismissed the compliment by saying that his staff had put it together. During his 1968 presidential drive Rocky's muse came to his ghost writers yet again. Unity, Freedom and Peace sold well, but when an aide asked him to to re-write certain passages, Rocky begged off by admitting that he had never had the time to read it. Well, 1 say Bravo Rocky. At least he was honest, which was hardly the case with John F. Kennedy.
The martyred president even won a Pulitzer prize for his aides' efforts. Ken- nedy can rightly be called the author of Profiles in Courage because he did, after all, authorise the book to be written. His first one, Why England Slept, had been written by Arthur Krock, an old Times hack. Just as he was going into high gear
for the presidential drive of 1960, JFK decided that the time was ripe for a best- seller. He went about it the right way, too. He got five — yes, five — hacks, to work on the project for a year. Each hack wrote on one subject, a profile of one courageous senator. Ted Sorensen, Arthur Schlesinger, Dean James Landis of Harvard, Arthur Krock, Jules Davis and Alan Nevins all sat down and dutifully made JFK a prize- winning author. Such was the Academy's favourable reaction to the book, that the then Republican Robert McNamara, when given feelers that the Ministry of Defence would would be his in the case of a Kennedy victory, was heard to reply that if indeed JFK had written the book himself, he (McNamara) would be proud to serve under him. Eventually Kennedy was asked that question point blank by McNamara and assured him that he had.
Teddy Kennedy has also written books. Being more modest than his glamorous brother, he has not chosen to have any best- sellers or Pulitzer prize winners as yet. But knowing the Kennedys, it won't be long before Teddy comes out with a handful of books. The only difference between Rocky and Teddy is that Teddy, 1 am told by reliable sources, would like to read his own, but cannot. So, in order to get you in the Kennedy spirit of writing, here are some suggestions by yours truly. Little Women, by Roman Polanski; Under Two Flags, by Anthony Blunt; Evening in Byzantium, by Margaret Thatcher; Out of Africa, by Donald Woods; The Spike, by Jocelyn Stevens; Belle de Jour, by Tony Lambton; Honour Thy Father, by Antonia Fraser Pinter; Under the Volcano, by Mary Soames; Remembrance of Things Past, by Edward Heath; and, last but not least, Pride and Prejudice, by Taki.
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