YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. My husband and I have a close friend who has told my husband that in the com- ing weeks he will end his relationship with his girlfriend. The girlfriend has invited us to a drinks party at her home in six weeks' time and requires a reply. Do we accept her kind invitation and face the likely prospect of an extremely awkward social event at which we know no other guest and our hostess is suffering emotional trauma as a result of our friend's actions; or do we decline the offer, giving her the impression that we no longer want to be her friends? We all work in the same industry, so it is important that no person is offended or insulted and we all end up on friendly first- name terms. Our friend says he cannot tell my husband exactly when he will end his relationship. The parting of the ways could just as easily be before the approaching drinks evening as after it.
Name and address withheld A. The most expedient measure would be for you instantly to decline the invitation with your regrets, explaining that a cousin will be marrying on the same day. Do not go into too much detail. There must be other opportunities for you to suck up to this girl- friend other than by attending her party. You could invite her to dinner a trois in your own home, for example, tomorrow night.
Q. What is the correct attitude to adopt/remark to make, when entering for the first time the office of an unfamiliar senior colleague who displays a nude photograph of his wife on the wall and, from his demeanour, clearly expects visitors to pass comment? C.M.D. Westcotes, Leicester A. You should not only give vent to the most robust expression of sexual desire, you should also do a simulated animal mating movement with great enthusiasm and a considerable amount of body movement. This will teach your colleague not to be such a show-off.
Q. What is the correct drill when somebody at the next table in a restaurant or in an adjacent conversational group at a party says exactly the same word or phrase that you are mouthing at precisely the same moment? Do you draw attention to it, pre- tend you haven't heard — or make a joke?
J.H.O., London W8 A. The correct procedure in the event of this very minor mishap is to divert attention by overturning your wine glass or spilling its contents if standing.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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