SPECTATOR SPORT
Snow balls
FRANK KEATING
Aseasonal competition: which phrase will BBC commentators utter most over the next fortnight: a) ‘winter wonderland’; b) ‘mountain magic’; c) ‘oh, bad luck, Great Britain’? The Winter Olympics have begun: bobble hats, fur-collared greatcoats, frostbitten noses and hour upon hour of various forms of sliding. The media battalions easily outnumber the 2,500 competitors; the security army outnumbers both put together. Turin’s sublime pelmet of Alpine spires will be crawling with security snipers and sharpshooters as if it was a filmset for the latest 007 blockbuster. I know the hardy Scots love their skiing, but I’m a soft southerner (or rather, a wet westerner) and I am mighty relieved not to be there for once.
Some strongly fancy the chance of a Brit medal or two this time; I’ll believe it when I see it. My recollection of covering serious sport in my Millett’s duffelcoat down the years is of filing pretty much the same piece every day after yet another Brit hopeful (they always talk a good race) slides in 28th out of 30, so you have to conjure 500-odd differently arranged words for the folks back home about triumphant ‘personal bests’ and the cruelly unfair nor’easterly which suddenly whipped down from the Matterhorn just as they started their run. For my money, prettyin-pink ice dancers have about as much right on the sports pages as Margot Fonteyn had in the first-class batting and bowling averages so thank heavens for Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards and nice Mrs Rhona Martin and her Scottish lady curlers. Who’ll be doing the trick for our jingoism over the next two weeks?
We might have more mush and slush than deep, crisp and even snow, but don’t forget that it was neither the Alpine nor Scandinavian countries which pioneered the winter Games, but the Brits, notably Sir Arnold Lunn, mover and shaker for the inaugural Olympics at Chamonix in 1924. His ghost will be happily wisping around on the Torino thermals this weekend. It was Sir Arnold who laid down the immutable rules for slalom and downhill which are still in force today. When the finicky purists from Sweden scoffed about the inclusion, and the dangers, of timed bobsleigh runs at those first Games 82 years ago — 15 countries, 294 competitors — Lunn said the British four-man sledge, although without practice, would show the way. The Daily Telegraph reported (29 January 1924): ‘The British were first to undertake an Olympic descent. On reaching one of the turns, the sleigh ran off the track and completely capsized. Captain F. Browning (Brigade of Guards) was picked up unconscious, with both legs broken, and his fellow competitors were badly bruised.’ So the Swiss were the first bobsleigh champs. Undaunted, Lunn demanded simplification of the involved rules of cross-country skiing. The Norwegian delegate took serious, sneering umbrage: ‘How would you like it, mister, if we Nordic nations attempted to revolutionise your game of cricket?’ Replied the urbane Lunn, ‘My dear fellow, do you really think you could? How wonderful. The whole Empire would be simply delighted, absolutely thrilled, if you could manage it. We all agree the lbw law is a complete mess, and I’m sure you do, too. Perhaps you could begin with that? And there are far too many drawn matches at cricket, aren’t there? Could you get cracking straight away? I assure you, we’d all be eternally grateful if you could make some headway as soon as possible.’ Collapse of Sven. Meanwhile, let the sliding start. Er, a game of snowballs anyone?
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