A. You could have eliminated all these anxieties in one
fell swoop simply by mounting the alien lavatory in either side-saddle or rodeo formation with your back to the 'door'. As anyone who has been on safari would attest, the relevant muscles are perfectly capable of adapting and being able to steer buttockal waste in unfamiliar directions.
Q. Although we live mainly in Shepherd's Bush, my children have had a relatively trauma-free upbringing, characterised by beach holidays at Holkham, weekends in various comfortable country houses owned by friends, et cetera. They have been ferried to and from school and to and from all the social events they attend. As a con
sequence, they have had only indirect experience (through television) of the seamier side of life. My problem is that, because we have given them a sheltered and, I hope, happy upbringing, my eldest daughter, aged 14, has no reason to believe that everyone out there in the world is not as good and nice as everyone she has so far met. She has all the arrogance of youth and we are having stand-up rows each day about her wanting to take the Tube home from parties at midnight wearing only a thong, et cetera. She thinks she knows better than we do and can 'handle' anything that comes up. What can we do, Mary?
Name withheld, London W1
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