SPECTATOR COMPETITIONS—No. 4
Report by Robert Levens A prize is offered for an open testimonial for employment in one of the following capacities : cook, companion-chauffeuse, curate, head or assistant master or mistress, secretary, assistant editor of a periodical. The testimonial must be such as can be exhibited with pride by the applicant, but must make it clear to any intelligent employer that the applicant• is to be avoided like the plague.
This competition attracted a vast array of talent, no doubt because its range extended over several varieties of human experience. Housewives by the score were ingeniously equivocal at the expense of cooks ; all' ranks of the scholastic world, from ex-headmasters to pupils, strewed their bent pins beneath bumptious or incompetent teachers ; and the clerical profession furnished a gallery of grue- somely zealous curates.
The entries fell into two main categories—those which relied on verbal ambiguity to convey one meaning to the applicant, another to the employer, and those which did not. The first type gave scope for some brilliant flashes of wit, such as " I have never known a teacher who could so completely lose himself in his subject" (W.Fozzard), or the cook who was " more than economical, giving us little to complain about (" Ida Cook "). But such entries seldom read well from start to finish ; there were too many flat stretches between the- peaks, and the irony was often so heavy that even the stupidest applicant was bound to detect it. So one chuckled over the best of these and marked them for quotation, but looked for winners rather among the second type, which concen- trated mainly on exposing defects regarded by the applicant as virtues.
Here the dangers were dullness and lack of punch ; it was difficult to live up to the phrase " to be avoided like. the plague," and some- times the appeal was merely to prejudices not universally shared. But the best of this kind combined plausibility with lightness of touch and subtle undertones of wit. Getting a little tired of " I cannot speak well enough of her," &c., one was cheered at finding how much can be conveyed by the sidelong flick of a single word, e.g., "She has taken a truly personal interest in several members of her form " (Mrs. E. A. Loveridge),' " She drives a car with cheerful confidence and has gained almost complete control over the many different vehicles that have been successively in her charge " (Margaret Usborne).
The difficulty of both satisfying the applicant and warning the prospective employer naturally increased as one went higher up the professional ladder, and this factor influenced my eventual choice of a first prize-winner from a short list which I had with difficulty reduced from twelve to five. Miss 0. M. Wilson earned a prize of £3 with a testimonial of unimpeachably authentic style, giving full recognition to the abilities of her aspiring headmistress, yet relentlessly exposing her as a quite intolerable busybody. Her unobtrusive reference to the dramatic society was, I thought, the neatest satirical touch in the entire competition. After a sporting finish between two companion-chauffeuses, the second prize of £2 goes to Mrs. S. Gordon.
Now for as many gems from the rejected as space permits.
Cooks. " Although Mr. L. U. Cullus has been my cook for less than three months, I feel, if not well, at least sufficiently qualified to give him this testimonial, as he has asked for it and I am sure he deserves it." (H. P. Bellanti.) " An appetising meal from Olga's hands is a rare treat. . . . Whatever she undertakes will be much more than well done. . . . Her motto has always been My best is not too good.' " (Mrs. J. M. Watson.) " She is one of those who help themselves without the need of continual encouragement." (M. P. Murray.) " She certainly got more out of my rations than any cook since rationing started." (Sir E. Macfadyen.) Companion-chauffeuses. " She does not confine herself to her routine duties, unselfishly sacrificing her free time to entertaining my guests as though they were her own." (Ruth Duffin.) " As a companion her behaviour was unfailingly predictable." (Kenneth Braine-Hartnell.) Curates. "He maintains a persistently cneery demeanour, which he firmly believes is best calculated to produce a spirit of Christian fellowship." (Rev. C. J. Weston.) " His ministry to the sick resulted in their speedy recovery : to the dying took away all fear of death." (Rev. C. E. Surman.) " He has incessantly visited the sick and afflicted people throughout the parish." (Rev. J. B. Harrison.) " In the pulpit his manner is moving and profound, and although he has no singing voice, his wife is a first-rate musician." (Rev. W. E. J. Lindfield.) We at St. Matilda's will never forget him, and shall feel ourselves curiously bound to any other parish in which he goes to work." (Ven. Eric Treacy.) " It is with a heavy heart that I contemplate his continuing his work in another parish." (J. F. Blanchard.) " His preaching has always been directed to the humblest intelligence." (Rev. R. L. Davidson.) Teachers. " It is with mingled pleasure and reluctance that I pen this leaving testimonial to Mr. —." (W. Percival.) " Many teachers, however learned themselves, find it difficult to impart what they know, but Mr. C. had no difficulty in sharing with his pupils the full extent of his knowledge." (N. Hodgson.) " A succession of physical training mistresses has enjoyed the benefit of her advice in the gymnasium and on the playing-field." (Miss U. Henriques.) FIRST PRIZE I have much pleasure in writing this testimonial for Miss X, who has been a member of my staff for the past two years. The value of her services to this school has been incalculable, yet I feel that, as headmistress of a larger school, Miss X will have that fuller scope demanded by her talent for organisation and her capacity for ignoring obstacles.
As a teacher of Mathematics Miss X has both high academia qualifications and a vocation. During these two years she has, with untiring enthusiasm, brought her subject to the forefront of the curriculum and has spared no pains in communicating her sense of its importance to her pupils. Even among her less gifted pupils her brilliant teaching and forceful personality have produced astonishing results.
In out-of-school activities Miss X's methods have been similarly successful. Keenly interested in drama, she at first shared with the English Mistress, and later took over completely, the responsi- bility for running our Dramatic Society. She is equally interested in our Music Society and here, as in all other spheres, has allowed no scruples of diffidence to stand in the way of innovations where she was convinced that these were desirable.
Perhaps even more important is Miss X's remarkable ability to stimulate her colleagues, to whom she has been more than generous with advice and active help on every possible occasion. In moments of crisis she acts without hesitation, and, to my knowledge, she has never been deterred by criticisms or by personal considerations from carrying out her conception of her duty.
I feel that it would be unfair to weigh the loss to our small community with its rather clearly defined traditions against the opportunity of allowing Miss X to take up a post where her out- . standing qualities might be appreciated in a truer perspective.
SECOND PRIZE Telegrams: " GAGAHE.AD." " The Haven " Nursing Home, Garlington, Gateshead.
Miss Y, aged 55, came to me in a permanent capacity as companion-chauffeuse three months ago. I have the highest possible regard for her character and principles ; and but for the serious nervous collapse which has brought me here, and the sudden departure of both my lifelong servants, no doubt she would still be with me.
Miss Y is of a brisk and energetic disposition, and she was ever at my elbow with helpful suggestions for improving my household arrangements. As a companion her wide travels, influential acquaintances and devotion to our Royal Family made meal-times a feast of informative conversation ; nor can I forget her remarkable memory for the plots of plays and books, and even of Irr own dreams. I never knew Miss Y out of temper, and her constant brightness (whatever my own mood) is the characteristic most clearly in my mind in writing this testimonial. As a chauffeuse Miss Y has gallantly conquered slight defects of vision and hearing and appears to be a completely fearless driver.
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